I read somewhere how a woman who lost her husband - too early and suddenly felt like it would never be right and described how deep and real her hurt was. Feelings of being overwhelmed in grief are very real. This woman went on to say that her husband's death was not her choice but what was her choice and what was within her control was how she would respond. A response that happens each day and in the early days that response is often moment by moment. Emotions can be unpredictable and more so during the first year of grieving - moving through the seasons and especially the holidays. Moment by moment...
In being together as a family, we spent time remembering Ayden and shared stories about times we shared with him. We looked at pictures of Ayden and watched videos he created and posted on his instagram account. It was wonderful hearing Ayden's voice and hearing his laugh as we laughed along with him and also shed some tears. Sitting down to eat Thanksgiving supper was emotional as we shed more tears after a prayer of remembrance for Ayden.
In Matthew 7:7, Jesus invites us to prayer:
"Ask, and it shall be given to you; Seek, and you shall find; Knock, and the door shall be opened to you."
I remember my Aunt Ella and Uncle Rein giving me a book for my confirmation that had this Bible verse in it. Since those many (many) years ago, this is a prayer that I prayed when seeking His direction and asking for wisdom and discernment. It is still a prayer today, especially for my family during our time of grief - asking for comfort, peace, and strength to get through such a difficult time. I believe this prayer is being answered in small ways each day as God puts people in our path each day who offer support, encouragement, prayer, a smile or a hug.
A devotion from the other day that was so fitting:
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12: 8-10).
Open to Hope is a website that I came across that has resources to help bring hope to those who have experienced loss. In an article entitled, "Celebrating the Holidays After the Death of Your Child," the author lists some techniques for celebrating the holidays that worked for them after their daughter had passed away. I have included some abbreviated notes of this below as I know it will be an important resource for my family as Christmas approaches:
- Have a plan - be prepared by the upcoming holiday and what you feel it needs to look like so that you aren't caught off guard by the season
- Consider a change of scene and activities - a trip away with loved ones may help refocus attention and get you through a difficult time or some new activities added to enrich the holiday, things perhaps not done in the past
- Consider changing some of your traditions - it was mentioned in the article that if putting up a tree with decorations made by the child is too difficult, to perhaps leave the tree for a few years and buy poinsettias and wreaths to decorate - maybe adding some new traditions that are activity orientated and involve your family
- Consider volunteering around the holidays - may bring meaning as you help others who are in need or have also experienced pain in life
- Consider an escape plan - let others know that the emotions are too much and take a break when needed for a time
Mom, Grandma Mary, Lisa, and Justine drove out on Thursday while my Dad flew in on Friday evening. We had lunch at The Calgary Farmer's Market on Saturday and then went out to Cactus Club on Saturday night to celebrate October birthdays (Lisa, Dad, Jaret, and Terry). Sunday some of us spent time at Big Hill Springs Provincial Park. Lisa and Justine really enjoyed it and even had their shoes off with their feet dipped into the freezing cold water. Sunday evening, Auntie Lee (along with Mighty) and Helen joined us for Thanksgiving supper. It was comforting and enjoyable just being together as a family. So grateful for these moments of family and continuing to pray for God's comfort, peace, and strength.
Happy Thanksgiving to loved ones near and far! Please know how much each of you means to me. I have been blessed by many special people in my life - some that have been a part of my life in different seasons and some who are still a huge part of my life. I am grateful for the relationships I have with you, even if time and distance has separated us. I am the person I am today because of each of you - I am grateful for you and blessed because of you.
Birthday Supper at Cactus Club
Big Hill Springs
Thanksgiving
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