Discovering...

Tuesday morning I attended an excellent seminar on Creating Clarity, Connection & Collaboration.  The speaker, Judy Riege, opened with a story that perhaps you have heard before. The story is an old one that has made its' rounds on social media.

Carrot, Egg, or Coffee Bean?

A young woman went to her mother and explained that life was very hard for her. She didn’t know how she was going to survive and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling, and it seemed that each time one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and placed each pot on a high fire. Soon, the pots came to a boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed a pouch of ground coffee beans.

In about 20 minutes, the mother of the young woman turned off the burners. She fished out the carrots and the eggs and placed them in separate bowls. She then ladled out the coffee, which had resulted from the coffee beans in the third pot, and poured it into another bowl. Turning to her daughter, she instructed, “Tell me what you see.”

“I see carrots, eggs and coffee,” the young woman replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. Upon feeling the carrots, the young woman noted that they were soft. Her mother then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed a hard-boiled egg.

Finally, her mother asked her to sip the coffee. The young woman smiled as she inhaled the coffee’s inviting aroma and savored the taste of its rich flavor.

Then she asked, “But, what does it mean, Mom?”

Her mother explained to her that each of the objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. However, each reacted very differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting but, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior but, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans, on the other hand were unique. After being subjected to the boiling water, they had actually changed the water.

“So,” the older woman asked her daughter, “which one are you? When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

So, it’s time to ask yourself, Which am I? Do I seem strong but then become soft and lose my strength when faced with pain and adversity, like the carrot?

Am I more like the egg? Did I start out start out with a pliable heart and a fluid spirit that became hardened after life's circumstances became too much to bear - death of someone close, financial hardships, relationship difficulties?

Or, am I closer in character to the coffee bean, which releases its fragrance and flavor when faced with hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain? In other words, when things are at their worst, do I make things better by changing the situation around me?

When the hour is darkest and trials are their greatest, how do you react?  How do you handle adversity of life? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

I think this is a good analogy for life.  Everyone faces adversity but it is how we come out of that adversity that makes us who we are.  It is how we show up each day.  Are you empty?  Do you want to change?  Have a conversation with yourself about who you are and how you show up in life - be honest with yourself.

That quote brings me to this.. think about how you communicate.  Isn't this one of the biggest issues that people have?  Stats show that what we say is not as important as how we deliver the message.  Our words account for 7% but body language accounts for 55% and tone for 38%.  I know I am guilty with the tone of voice I often use.  It must be a trait carried from my teenage years!  Right Mom?  Think about it though and think about the impression you make on people when you first meet them.  You smile and kindness is evident in your tone.  When you smile, others smile back.  It is said that everyone smiles in the same language.  Another wonderful quote I came across is:

Smiling together with our tone of voice and body language that are used with our words is a first step in communication.  Years from now, people may not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel.  This comes through loud and clear with our tone and body language.  Our words can be directed toward others but so can it be directed toward ourselves in how we talk to ourselves and how we think.  Our thinking creates our reality.

When you change your thinking, you can change your reality.  
Beliefs/Thoughts --> Behaviour --> Outcomes.

Judy described it using our To Do Lists.  How many of us make lists that are overflowing with things that need to get done?  I am definitely one who lives by my to do list.  As a side, I recently read an article that was a good reminder that it isn't how busy you are and how much you get accomplished each day that makes you successful.  The focus of the article was to simplify your life - something I really want to make a focus.  That brings me back to the list.  Judy talked about how our To Do List can often create the chaos in our life and actually lead to more stress and having less confidence in ourselves as we feel overwhelmed as to where to start with our long list of to do's.  The mentality of "I can't" and the feelings of fear creep in to our life.  Instead, she encouraged us to get rid of the To Do Lists and replace it with 2 Do.  Simply stated, to bring back the clarity of your life and simplify by having only 2 to do's.  It was admitted that sometimes we may have 2 Do's in our home life and 2 Do's in our work life.  In doing so, we can take action much easier since the feelings of the surmounting pressures don't overtake us, feelings of fear are replaced by faith and the "I can't" becomes "I can!"

I have a couple of challenges for you.  
1.  Try to replace your To Do List with the 2 Do List for the next week.  
2.  Who are you?  Write 10 I am statements about who you are.

This is homework for me as well and I know that they will both be challenging but they are important steps I know I need to take right now as I refocus.  

There was more to the seminar but I am going to stop there for now.  I will share more at a later date since I don't want to overwhelm.  Would love to hear how many of you do the homework and what you discover by doing it.