Life Decisions

I remember someone telling me years back how children will change your life and that you will learn many valuable lessons through the raising of your children. I do believe that is true, as I am learning more about myself and about the important lessons of life through my children.

This past year has been a difficult one for me as a working mom. I have felt torn in so many different directions. The other night I saw a news article entitled, "Can Women Really Have It All?"  In the news article they talked about how women's roles have changed drastically from the 50's. where women were once stay at home moms who took care of everything related to the home to recent years where they entered the workforce and continued to be responsible for the home and raising the kids. And please don't get me wrong, I am not saying, nor did the news report suggest, that men are not helping around the home. But they stressed that women are still mostly responsible for the home and children and then try to have a career as well.  The conclusion of the article stated that women can't have it all; that something has to give, somewhere.

Throughout this year, I have been working as Resource Coordinator at the school and what was supposed to be a half-time job was full-time and then some. It was stressful and more of a job than I wanted to be in with the stage of life I am in.  After much time in devotion, prayer, and the leading of the Holy Spirit (with various people God put in my path who spoke to my heart),  I decided to resign from the school effective the end of the school year.  Since working at the school in 2006, I have had so many different positions from teaching three different grades to vice principal to coordinating roles. It has been a lot but I have enjoyed being part of the community. Since moving to Calgary, we have had two children, moved three times (with another move on the horizon when we move out of Mark and Shea's house), and both Terry and I have had a number of job changes. When I look back at the last seven years it has gone so quickly and has held a lot of stress. Resigning was difficult as I am saying goodbye to many wonderful colleagues but it was also so easy because it means spending time with my children and pouring into them. 

Today on Facebook I came across this letter to a mom that a friend posted. It spoke to me as I know I have been this mom at times as I juggled work and time with the kids. I don't want to live with regrets of time missed with them or regrets of not being ALL present when I am with them and therefore missing out on special moments...

Dear Mom On the iPhone,

I see you over there on the bench, messing on your iPhone. It feels good to relax a little while your kids have fun in the sunshine, doesn’t it? You are doing a great job with your kids, you work hard, you teach them manners, have them do their chores.
But Mom, let me tell you what you don’t see right now...
Your little girl is spinning round and round, making her dress twirl. She is such a little beauty queen already, the sun shining behind her long hair. She keeps glancing your way to see if you are watching her.
You aren’t.

Your little boy keeps shouting, “Mom, MOM watch this!” I see you acknowledge him, barely glancing his way.

He sees that too. His shoulders slump, but only for a moment, as he finds the next cool thing to do.

Now you are pushing your baby in the swing. She loves it! Cooing and smiling with every push. You don’t see her though, do you? Your head is bent, your eyes on your phone as you absently push her swing.

Talk to her. Tell her about the clouds, Mommy. The Creator who made them. Tickle her tummy when she comes near you and enjoy that baby belly laugh that leaves far too quickly.

Put your eyes back on your prize…Your kids.

Show them that they are the priority. Wherever you are, be ALL there. I am not saying it’s not ok to check in on your phone, but it’s a time-sucker: User Beware!

Play time at the park will be over before you know it.

The childhood of your children will be gone before you know it.

They won’t always want to come to the park with you, Mommy. They won’t always spin and twirl to make their new dress swish, they won’t always call out, “WATCH ME!”

There will come a point when they stop trying, stop calling your name, stop bothering to interrupt your phone time.

Because they know…

You’ve shown them, during all of these moments, that the phone is more important than they are. They see you looking at it at while waiting to pick up brother from school, during playtime, at the dinner table, at bedtime…..

I know that’s not true, Mommy.

I know your heart says differently.

But your kids can’t hear your words, Mommy. Your actions are screaming way too loudly.

May our eyes rest upon those we love, first and foremost, and may everything else fall away in the wonderful, noisy, sticky-fingered glory of it all. ♥

I am excited at what will be written in the next chapter and what opportunities and lessons God has in store for me and my family. I am excited about bedtime stories that aren't rushed so I can get school work done, but instead, I can just enjoy the moments and savour the memories being created. I look forward to playtime (maybe even beating Jaret at Monopoly Jr.) and doing crafts with my kids. I look forward to going for walks and spending time at the park. I am looking forward to putting my eyes back on the prize of my kids as the letter above described.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to be just MOM!