Check the Third Box
How many of us have faced a time when we dread saying yes but feel powerless to say no? We run on empty and continue moving forward because we want to please others. But what we often don't stop to think about is that saying yes means that we miss the Best Yes opportunities. We can check yes or no, or we can check the third box - the Best Yes box.
The first time I read this, it was an ah-ha moment for me. The BEST YES!!! YES!
Lysa begins this chapter talking about being completely distracted one Christmas and not feeling the Christmas spirit. Her heart did get in tune with God's voice after she sought Him to reveal Himself. She was able to notice what God wanted her to notice and was willing to participate when God called her to participate. It is these assignments in life that we shouldn't miss. Slowing down the pace to see what God's will is for us in the moment. I know there are times when I have been so focused on my to do list, that I have missed the gentle nudging from God, all because I was unaware. I want to be able to hear the voice of God more clearly and not miss opportunities He places before me. I want my heart to be in tune with God so I don't miss all that He has to offer me. Capturing assignments placed before us and even small opportunities is all part of the way of the Best Yes.
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" ~Isaiah 30:21
Overwhelmed Schedule, Underwhelmed Soul
It is sometimes too easy to get busy, but you all know how that is. Our schedules become busy and we feel completely overwhelmed. And although we are getting things accomplished, we feel empty. We feel like we are not living the life that God set before us and our soul is left underwhelmed.
Lysa writes about the list that women have that ignite passion inside their souls. Those lists that year after year, go undone. As I contemplated this, I tried to come up with my list and found it really difficult. I feel quite content in my life but then I wondered if I was also letting fear of dreaming big stopping me from even thinking about what would be on my list.
"The decisions we make dictate the schedules we keep. The schedules we keep determine the lives we live. The lives we live determine how we spend our souls. So, this isn't just about finding time. This is about honouring God with the time we have." As I read these words, they really spoke to me. It is true that decisions dictate our schedules and those schedules turn into our everyday life. Are you living the life you want to be living? We each have 168 hours a week entrusted to us by God. What does your schedule look like in those 168 hours? Is there time that you can carve out to start accomplishing a goal that you have always dreamed of? Even if we just took 3 hours a week, that would add up over a month or over a year. But we have to choose well...
Take your personal time assessment here.
What quiet whisper do you hear? What does your soul long for? God wants you to bless others by doing what you love with the right heart attitude.
"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labour in vain." ~Philippians 2:14-16
So, what is your soul spending activity? What if you added the phrase "so that I might bless whom?" to the end of it?
I would choose a few soul spending activities to focus on over the next few years:
Spend time serving the homeless...so that I might bless whom?
Spend time investing in my family...so that I might bless whom?
Go on a mission trip...so that I might bless whom?
Not sure that it is really a soul activity but years ago, I always longed to be a runner. In high school I wanted to be a runner and I tried but my knees got the best of me. After years of doing some weight training, I tried running again and with some goal setting, ran a 10K, followed by my first half. I have enjoyed running and the friendships that have also come through running. So, when I think about conquering something I never thought I would be able to accomplish, I think back to the days before I was a runner.
Sometimes I Make It All Look So Complicated
We know what decision needs to be made but we have difficulty making that decision. We need to say yes or we need to say no. However, the decision looms over us and we don't make a decision at all. This is when we need to simply find that courageous yes or fight for that confident no. Make a decision one way or another and move on.
"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ." ~Philippians 1:9-10
It is not always easy to discern what is best. Lysa describes knowledge as wisdom that comes from acquiring truth, insight as wisdom that comes from living out the truth we acquire, and discernment as wisdom that comes from the Holy Spirit's reminders of that knowledge and insight. We can only gain this discernment as we draw closer to God through reading His Word and spending quiet time with our souls seeking the Holy Spirit to work in our life.
Three main questions we can ask ourselves when facing a decision:
1. Have you been reading and praying through God's Word lately?
2. Have you been applying God's Word to your life lately?
3. Have you sought godly counsel and insights from people who know specifics about your situation?
If we are answering yes to all the above, that we know that we are walking in the path God has for our lives and we have the ability to discern what is best. We have to have our heart and mind set on things of God, places where wisdom gathers.
There have been days when I need to turn my phone off and set it aside. If I hear one more vibration of another email, I think it will put me over the edge. Have you ever been there? Some days the emails come in faster than I can keep up. And with the emails means another decision to be made. And sometimes, I would like to act like a turtle and stick my head in my shell and just shut it all out. Tell me I am not alone here and that some of you have felt the same way I have felt?
Some times decisions seem to much too handle and if we have asked ourselves the questions above and still don't feel a clear decision, then we can use the following assessment: Could this fit physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally? Use those areas to gauge making a decision. Allow wisdom and discernment to help make your decision.
Analysis Paralysis
Fear can prevent us from many things, including making decisions because we are fearful of making a mistake. I have lived with some perfectionist tendencies which unfortunately, I think I have also passed on to my kids. However, I hope that in the coming years I can help them learn to trust God and lean into them when making decisions and not allowing fear to paralyze them.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6
The verse speaks to decision making on many levels:
1. Trust in God and know that He is the ultimate authority.
2. Analyze the decision.
3. Make the decision.
4. Own the decision.
5. Trust God to work good even from the not-so-good parts.
I remember years ago hearing the phrase that when God closes one door, He opens a window. It was quote that was given to me on a card at my confirmation from my Uncle Rein and Auntie Ella. I remember reflecting on that quote then and throughout the years. It was comforting to know that no matter what path, God would be with me and know that His will prevails and that sometimes he does close doors because He has something so much better in store for our future than we can imagine in the moment. But, it comes down to trusting in God, not trying to take control ourselves. When we trust God, we will see possibilities beyond what we ever expected.
Lysa reminds us in this chapter that there is no such thing as a perfect decision and that in all things, God will help us find the good in the situation. Decisions allow for choice and in choice, there are imperfections. But those imperfections will never override God's promises for us.
Consider the Trade
We have free will to make choices and sometimes that can lead to heartache on many levels and sometimes it can lead to joy. God directs us in a path that is the right way to go but sometimes we stray and make choices against His will for our lives. And those choices often have consequences. We need to release ourselves and gain peace. We need to release the clutter in our life to be able to make room for the Best Yes opportunities.
Show Up to Practice
Practice and practice some more. We do not get good at anything without putting in time day after day. And sometimes success comes with failure. Sometimes success feels great and sometimes it feels exhausting. But, we don't get anywhere if we don't show up to practice.
The Lord gives wisdom and we can have wisdom if we do the following:
- accept God's words
- store up His commands within us
- turn our ears to wisdom
- call out for insight
- cry aloud for understanding
- look for wisdom despite distractions of this world
Every yes comes with a list of expectations. It is important to know these expectations up front so that we know whether we can meet them or not. We need to be able to plan for what is realistic so that we don't overextend ourselves.
Reading this chapter, I constantly was reflecting on expectations and how unrealistic expectations lead to unmet expectations. I have blogged about this before but it is worth mentioning again because unmet expectations can be difficult and disappointing to face.
When we have a decision before us, we need to know what we are agreeing to and can do so by answering these questions taken from the book:
- It feels thrilling to say yes to this now. But how will this yes feel two weeks, two months, and six months from now?
- Do any of the expectations that come from this yes feel forced or frantic?
- Could any part of this yes be tied to people pleasing and allowing that desire to skew my judgement of what's realistic and unrealistic?
- Which wise (older, grounded in God's Word, more experiences, and more mature) people in my life think this is a good idea?
- Are there any facts I try to avoid or hide when discussing this with my wise advisors?
These questions take time and it is important to do an inventory such as this periodically because it can save us a lot of time in the future and eliminate the frustration we may experience on the other end. I have had to use this at times in my job when I am weighing different projects I have on the go. It isn't always easy making some difficult decisions but in the end it has been freeing and has turned out well.
Lysa outlines some areas to consider where expectations may be unrealistic.
My Time - Does my schedule allow me to meet the demands of the opportunity?
My Ability - Am I equipped with the right skills to carry out the opportunity?
My Money - Am I able to afford the financial responsibilities that come with the opportunity?
My Passion - What sense does the opportunity evoke - dread of fulfillment?
My Season - Are there responsibilities in this season of my life that need to take a higher priority than this opportunity?
The Power of the Small No
Often we delay saying no rather than being upfront from the beginning. It doesn't get easier to say no and delaying a no doesn't make the request disappear. We all need to learn the power of the small no so that we show grace. Grace in managing people's disappointments and expectations and as a means of investing in others. Saying no does't need to be hurtful if it is done in the right way.
Here is a link to Lysa's blog that highlights ways to be gracious in saying no...
10 Ways to Graciously Say No When You Feel Pressured to Say Yes
The Awkward Disappointment of Say No
"I will not let the awkward disappointments of others keep me from my Best Yes appointments with God." ~Lysa Terkeurst
Lysa speaks about how disappointments and appointments go hand in hand (to accept one is to decline the other) and that we need to grow more certain of our convictions and build confidence in our abilities and the purpose God has called us to. When we make Best Yes decisions, they are strong and courageous type decisions. They are letting go of the fear and discouragement that often holds us back. The Best Yes decisions are those made knowing that God is with us wherever we go.
But What If I Say No and They Stop Liking Me?
It is impossible to please everyone. It isn't easy to let go of other people's perceptions but it is pertinent if you want to lead a happy and healthy life. Trying to please everyone is exhausting - emotionally and physically.
A Best Yes is Seen by Those Who Choose to See
This chapter was a reminder to pay attention to God. Rather than expecting the big directional signs that we think we should receive from God, we are called to pay attention to the gentle nudging. When making decisions, allow God's gentle whisper to help guide our best yes answers. Realize that no isn't a rejection but sometimes a protection of our Best Yes answers. If our lives are completely spent, we will miss moments that are ours and not to be missed. Yes and No are powerful words and can lead to a soul well-spent. Well-spent when we live out our Best Yes answers. And this takes us to the earlier questions that Lysa outlined about reading God's Word, applying His Word to your life and seeking wise counsel. If we aren't taking the time to quiet our souls, then we will miss the whisper.
The Thrill of an Unrushed Yes
Relationships - space to connect, to take time, to make time, to be together, to talk - these are all threads that make up the fabric of relationships. Relationships are good for the soul. And what our soul needs is to resist the rush to really connect at a deeper level with relationships. We need to be smart about relationships and where we invest our time. But we do need to take the time and invest in relationships. Time to stop - listen - talk - process - notice - engage - thank - be together. I am grateful for the women in my life. I am a better women because of these friends. THANK YOU!
The Panic That Keeps You from Your Best Yes
Insecurity. We all have insecurity on some level in our life. Sometimes we drown in these thoughts, these lies that we tell ourselves. The only thing that can help when we are drowning in these insecure thoughts is truth. We need to reverse the fixed mind-set that feeds on insecurities and develop a growth mind-set - one that is tied to the Bible and our relationship with Jesus Christ. It is then that we can grow past our insecurities. And Jesus can take the "limited potential and turn it into exponential growth." When we do this, we tie our identity to the Word of God the breathes hope and power into our lives. We also need to cut the word "but" out of the vocabulary and change it into "therefore."
"I am a child of God, but I am such a failure." This can become:
"I am a child of God, therefore God's Word is there for me. It is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." ~Psalm 119:105
"We must let our identity, not our insecurity, be the first thing that walks into every situation we face - every decision we make." ~Lysa Terkeurst
We often find ourselves in difficult places in life. We can feel alone and vulnerable. It is at times like these that we need others. We need relationship. When we are at these low places, it is not the time to make decisions. It is these times when we need humility and wisdom. Wisdom through the Word of God and wisdom that comes from people that you do life with. People that you come alongside you, share what they know and walk with you.
"'Together' is a really good word. Together is what we need when we hit tough patches in life. Making decisions when life is making your cry shouldn't be done alone." ~Lysa Terkeurst
When My Best Yes Doesn't Yield What I Expect
There are times in life where we don't always get what we expect. We pray. We ask for guidance. We make a decision and we get the unexpected. What do we do when we get the unexpected? Sometimes it is at moments like this that we tend to fall apart. And sometimes we have opportunity to make a Best Yes decision and do the right thing that is right in front of us. Define yourself not by your weakness, but by The One who loves us.
We Make Choices, The Our Choices Make Us
Life is a journey. And it is about the heart of wisdom that we learn along the way. The life well lived in the choices that we make every day. Those decisions determine the steps we take in life. How we live today is the result of choices made. But we also have the opportunity to turn that around as we turn to the face of Christ. We don't live life perfectly. We need to search for the uncrushed Best Yes decisions. And we must look for more moments that we can be in companionship with the One who gives us wisdom. May you go and live your Best Yes life.
"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." ~Psalm 37:23-24
This was a wonderful book and I really learned so much about making wise decisions, in the midst of endless demands. Have you read the book? What was your take away?
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