Unmet expectations happen. They happen sometimes in small ways and sometimes on larger scales. They happen in all relationships. Unmet expectations are a reality of life. Recently Terry and I, who both thought we were doing right by our kids, realized that some lack of communication and unmet expectations by both of us, left us both disappointed. But thankfully after taking some time to actually talk, we were able to work through it. And that is what relationships are all about.
On Saturday night after church, the kids and I were watching a Christmas movie on tv. It was a cute movie about a single mom who's car was stolen and inside the glove compartment was a winning lottery ticket for one million dollars that needed to be claimed by midnight on Christmas Eve. The kids and I were enjoying the movie and the message of reconciliation but as the movie ended, both of the kids were disappointed in the ending. Jaret was especially disappointed, probably because it ended with us not knowing if they truly got the million dollar prize. We can infer that she did collect on the lottery win but the message was meant to be more than that - she had found reconciliation and love and she didn't need the money to make her more content in life. He was enjoying the movie and it had such potential but as it ended, he definitely experienced unmet expectations because he expected it to end differently. It is a little thing because after all, it was just a movie. But it bothered him and made it difficult for him to fall asleep. We spent some time before bed talking through his disappointment and praying and he fell asleep peacefully. I am grateful for these moments because if he can learn about unmet expectations in the small things, I pray he will be better prepared to handle the unmet expectations that life has yet to bring.
However, I know that for my children, they will only be able to withstand unmet expectations if they truly understand who they are and where their identity comes from. Their identity isn't who they are because of their parents or because of their giftings or because of the things they have. Their identity is built on the love Christ has for them and the truth that they were created by Him, in His image. If they can grasp that fully, then even when life gets hard and they face unmet expectations, they will be able to hold true to the promise of God's love. The Bible is full of Christians who faced unmet expectations. Job as an example. He lived a holy life, devoted to God. But he lost so much - his home, his family, his possessions and even his health failed in his later years. However, in the end, God blessed Job in his faithfulness.
As I was decorating the house for Christmas this weekend, a Christmas movie came on tv and a comment was made about breaking up with ideas. And then when I was catching up on some Grey's Anatomy, the same message was spoken. This resonated with me as it made me think about how we often have our own ideas/plans of what life should look like or be like. We think we have it all figured out. And we tend to allow these ideas to guide our path rather than putting aside our ideals and seeking truth and God's plan in all things. Being a traditionalist, I know that there have been times where I have a difficult time letting go of tradition but sometimes if I don't, I can be left hurt and disappointed. It is important to remember that our future is not defined by our past and what has happened but by what can happen. So because of that, we can look forward to a future filled with hope because we know who holds our future. His ways are better than our ways and more often than not, he exceeds the expectations that we have.
As the holidays approach, many do not feel the joy of the season and often it is due to unmet expectations. I came across some tips on uplifting.com as advice in hopes that joy and peace will be in your heart this holiday season:
1. Pray Daily - pray for peace in your spirit and in your family.
2. Give up your need for control - trying to control the actions of others will only leave you feeling depleted and frustrated, so learn to let go and spend time with people who remind you what matters. And might I also add to give up your need for perfection so that you can relax and enjoy the holidays.
3. Change your expectations and assumptions - rather than focusing on the negative, take time to see the positive in all situations as this will turn your attitude around as well, and sometimes that is necessary.
4. Reach out - serving others is the best way to cultivate gratitude.
5. Say little. Show more - some things are better left unsaid and sometimes it is better to focus on love through action rather than hurtful words that are best left unsaid.
The above tips are as much for me as they are for any of you reading this post, trust me! I am in training yet of letting go of control and perfection. As we face unmet expectations, we learn. We learn to trust in our God and trust that He is in control and because He is perfect, we don't have to be.
I love Christmas and decorating our home.
Sunday morning watching a Christmas movie while cuddled up in the bonus room.
She had good company.
Heard Kirra waking up her dolls in the morning.
She is so nurturing with her dolls and will be a wonderful mom one day.
Later that night, Jaret asked her to not be so loud while reading out loud.
She responded back that she was reading to her dolls before bedtime
and maybe he could just shut his door if he didn't like the expression s
he was using while reading.
New game that Jaret bought with a gift certificate for his birthday.
We had a great weekend that was full of just simple and everyday moments. On Saturday afternoon the kids and I went to the theatre to see the movie Wonder. It was a heartwarming movie that speaks of perseverance and determination that August, "Auggie" copes with when entering school for the first time. He was born with a genetic disorder that caused facial deformities. The story speaks of the battles we are all facing but that we don't always see what others are carrying. The movie takes us through heartache as we see the difficulty others have in accepting Auggie for who he is, rather than what he looks like and opposite to that, the compassion and acceptance that marks the lives of others. The kids loved the movie. Jaret said I must really have loved it as I went through ten napkins from tears shed. Let's just say, I was glad we were sitting in the back row and the theatre was dark. But to my defence, I know I wasn't the only one who was teary eyed. I love being able to watch movies like this and be able to open up conversation with the kids about how we ought to love others and what this truly means. Sunday the kids spent the afternoon skating with Terry while I finished watching my football game. These are the every day moments that weekends are made of. And I am most grateful for the simple moments.
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