14th Birthday

How does one pick up the pieces?  Your heart is shattered!  Your heart is broken and continues to break everyday.  How do you pick up shattered and broken pieces of your heart?

Grief - it is deep.  It is lasting. All people deal with grief so differently. 

Grief - something we wish we never had to deal with. 

Moments come and go and yet our grief remains. A birthday spent without him. A holiday where he is greatly missed. An everyday moment where you wonder in shock if he is really gone and yet the emptiness you feel with your whole being, knows that he is indeed gone. And you wonder what you wouldn't give to sing happy birthday to him and watch him blow out the candles on his cake and then tease him about having a girlfriend because he didn't blow out all the candles. Or decorate Easter eggs or hear him singing a Christmas carol. Or simply hearing him give tips to his younger cousin on how to get to the next level on the Spider-Man game they loved to play together.  Or...

Grief is complex. 

Grief hits you a million different ways and in all the moments you wish you still had and could cherish and never let go. 

But even in the letting go, we still remember. 

We still grieve. 

We still love and always will. 

Grief does not end when you have lost someone you love. Grief has it's stages and it is a process and journey to move through each stage. Some stages take longer but each is a part of the process. It is important not to get caught in one stage and stay in that stage - especially anger where blame is cast again and again.  Grief is a process.  I have heard it said before that grief is the price of love.  And love we did, Ayden.   And love we still do.  Love we always will, Ayden. 

Happy 14th Birthday, Buddy!  The kids and I will be singing happy birthday to you and know you will be looking down from heaven asking if we can squirt whipped cream into your mouth from the whipped cream canister. 

Wishing for more time.  More memories.  A quote from Buddha speaks to this loud and clear, "The trouble is, you think you have time."  We wish we had more time, Ayden. 

Goodbyes are not forever. 

Goodbyes are not the end. 

Goodbyes simply mean I'll miss you, until we meet again... 

I am grateful for my faith that gives me hope. In Christ there is HOPE.  

Hope to help us through our grief. 

Hope to help mend our broken hearts. 

Hope for better things to come. 

Hope that we will one day be reunited. 

HOPE!

And we know that we are not alone in our brokenness.  Our Heavenly Father knows the ache of love lost as He sacrificed His one and only son.  All for us.  For the forgiveness of our sins, while we were still sinners.

This year, Ayden's birthday falls so close to Easter and has me reflecting on how much I miss Ayden AND how grateful I am for the free gift of God's salvation and the eternal life we find in Him.  I am always grateful for the HOPE found only in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and the promise of eternal life.  The promise of eternal life so that we will one day be reunited with Ayden in heaven.

Hope you are having a wonderful birthday celebration in heaven today, Ayden!  We love you!  Not a day goes by that we don't think of you and ache with the pain of missing you.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  ~Psalm 34:18