From the moment Kirra woke this morning she started whining and fussing. As a family we remained patient with her but also were firm with her when necessary. As I dropped her off, she wasn't doing well but settled even before her coat was off. But, that is not how the rest of the day went. Kirra was okay in the morning but as lunch approached, she lost control and things were difficult for Ruth and the other children at the Dayhome. Unfortunately, Ruth experienced what Kirra is like when she isn't at her best. I finished a meeting at work and then went to get Kirra early. We headed to Chapters where I purchased a book on raising the spirited child; that's putting a positive spin on it. Anyway, I am looking forward to beginning this book. I feel that Kirra is quite spirited and it will take different strategies in parenting her then experienced with Jaret. I believe that Kirra's separation anxiety is an issue but that it is deeper than that. I want to make sure I am doing all I can to raise Kirra to the best of my abilities and get our family through this difficult stage and beyond (that sounded a little like Toy Story).
There were some positive moments in the day, despite its challenges. I worked with Hope at the school today and was so pleased with my time with her. Listening to Jaret read today and seeing him achieve success on another math sheet of 100 addition questions made me so proud. Kirra melted my heart at supper when she prayed by repeating after Terry - such a tender moment. And encouragement from two special ladies at school today - one who spoke truth into my life and challenged me to assess life on a couple of different levels. Another who encouraged me in the smallest way, probably without even realizing she did it. Note to self - send them a little thank you email - they made a huge difference in my day by taking the time.
After supper, Kirra threw a tantrum that lasted and lasted. Once Kirra finally fell asleep in bed - at least we got her to bed - I spent some time online, reading, reflecting, and praying. I came across some tips on dealing with tantrums and was struck by some things I know to do but did not do this evening, likely because of the build up of emotions from the day. Perhaps I could have prevented the tantrum before it started, but I didn't. It came down to having higher expectations for her rather than giving her some choice or turning Kirra's battle into a game to move past the pending meltdown. Kirra really dug in her heels and when that is the case, there is then no reasoning and everything becames a battle from that point on.
Some great tips from supernanny.com:
Solve the real problem before the behaviour deteriorates
The power of offering choices
Playing cooperation games
Sing a song
Read a book/Tell a story as a distraction
Be silly
Give fair warning
Be positive with your words
...some of which I did not do this evening and had I stopped to implement what I know to do, the evening likely would have gone off as any other evening. It comes down to creative parenting in many ways. While on this site, I also downloaded some reward charts to begin implementing.
I continued reading "Real Moms...Real Jesus" this evening and it was exactly what I needed in this process of reflection for me. This part may get lengthy as I got so much out of the reading I did and I am very much enjoying the wisdom in this book.
It spoke to the beauty in serving and that one important component in serving is also learning to graciously receive when God brings others alongside us to serve with us. Then came the truth about worship. The book defined worship as more than attending church for corporate worship but about giving worth to something we love. Having a God-shaped hole was brought up as a way to ask ourselves what we are trying to fill that hole with and helping us understand that this me-perspective needs to be a God-perspective so that we are freed to recognize God's truth and that His ways are the only ways worthy of our time and energy. How freeing is this when we look at all we do from this perspective? Our everyday activities can become an act of service that touches the heart of God.
In reading more about worship, I was reminded that Jesus understands the life we lead because of the life He lived on earth where he was facing challenges at every turn and living in a hostile environment. Don't we as moms often feel that way? But knowing that others understand can make a huge difference. When we see our mothering responsibilities in a spiritual way, we can see the bigger picture - the higher purpose for what we do when we serve Him. Doesn't that just change our attitude as we let God transform our perspective? It does me. The author goes on to say that we needs heart tune-up. That often our skewed perspective can put us in a bad mood that sets the tone for our home. It is at this point that we need to move our eyes to the Mountain Mover rather than the mountain. And personally, I know that it is easy to focus on the mountain or to think that I can control the situation and move the mountain on my own. I think this contributed to Kirra's meltdown tonight. Perhaps this is God's way of testing me or helping to develop strength of character to become a better person and a better mom. Lastly the author reminds us as moms to care for ourselves - our body, soul, and mind so that we can pour ourselves into serving our families. Words of wisdom that spoke to me. Perhaps they will affect you in some way as well.
So grateful that each and every day we can start anew! Here's to another new and better day tomorrow. Now before I go to bed, I am going to go kiss my children good night.
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